Consider the following many categories of bullies and you will gain an appreciation as to why bullying is so pervasive in families, schools, communities, business and political arenas. In the second half of this page you can discover ways to avoid or remove yourself from a bully's presence.
Radio Program about Bullies and Surviving Relationships with Bullies
BULLIES ARE A SOCIOLOGICAL NORM
Consider how bullying is a part of every social cluster, throughout the human history.
Consider also how political bullying is tolerated by the powers in charge in every society through history.
Tribal or clan combat for land, riches, influence.
Intra-tribal vying for dominant positioning.
Intolerance toward intra-species differences (survival of the fittest), moral outrage or righteous-indignation (intolerance of religious differences, sexual identity differences), perceived need to "snuff-out" or intimidate an unwanted subgroup.
Where there are three or more, often one of the individuals, if not more, will take on the characteristics of the antagonist.
Perhaps this antagonist is the comic relief or the annoying clown of a rather friendly group. Perhaps, this antagonist is the IP (Identified Patient) which means that the "bully" in the family is actually expressing the anger, outrage, or complications that are engulfing the family.
Some bully because they are insecure or pathetically compensating for series inferiority complexity. Some bullies love the play for power or the sadistic pleasure of causing others pain and fear. Power driven individuals without a strong humane bent, think nothing of bullying others merely to gain positions of superiority and dominance.
Some studies suggest that those who are bullied will often become bullies out of self-defense, survival of the fittest attitude, or the innate urge of fighting for the dominate position in a pack. Bullies in one arena (where they can surround themselves with weaker individuals) can be bullied in another arena easily enough.
It may seem odd to discuss political or business bullies in this website about relationships and this page about relationships and bullies. But it is pertinent that what we see on television about political, social, financial or business institutions becomes the fabric of our world perception. If we see big forces "getting away" with bullying others for their gain of power, dominance, money or beliefs, we become 1) numb to bullies in our own life causing us to be more vulnerable to passively enduring such treatment and 2) inclined to feel that the best position to be in is that of the bully. Human nature is inclined to imitate the perceived POWER force and attempt to distance from the weakling in any situation. The law of men and women being attracted to the strong and repelled by the weak is likely a "survival of the fittest" response (perhaps DNA inscribed or sociologically conditioned). So take a look at the every day news reports, television entertainment, gaming platforms and recognize how much BULLYING is a part of your daily consciousness-intake.
China, Columbia, Rwanda and Liberia, Lybia * One Country attempting to rise above militia and governmental brutality.
Rogue Dictators, Militant Fractions, Oppression to women and children.Nobel Peace Prize winner Ellen Johnson Sirleaf on a nation bullied and torn internally
My interview with Cindy Buckles-Schmidt reveals efforts in Rwanda to bully citizens to attack each other or to walk to their death.
China's bullying toward citizens and peasants are considered governmentally sanctioned and instigated versions of being bullies according to author Heins Potter in his book China's Peasants: The Anthology of a Revolution. Running down peaceful protestors with tanks, monitoring internet search activities, imprisoning poets and peaceful protestors such as Liu Xiaoba each qualify for political bullying by the standards of our civil liberties in the United States.
From New York Times: http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/people/l/liu_xiaobo/index.html
Liu Xiaobo is a writer who is perhaps China's best-known dissident. He has been in jail since 2008. In October 2010 he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of “his long and nonviolent struggle for fundamental human rights in China. Mr. Liu was arrested in December 2008 for playing a leading role in drafting Charter 08, which demands gradual political and legal reforms based on constitutional principles. In 2009, he was given an 11-year prison sentence on subversion charges, one that was widely regarded as unusually harsh.
This has been the year of citizens revolting against being the victims of their government's militia and tyranny. These citizens have indicated that they view the acts and attitudes of these leaders and their forces to be bully-ish. We have seen evidence of such through cell phones videos and news coverage indicated violent, mortal attacks during these months of revolt. Egypt, Lybia, Syria, Tunsia considered their government to be bullies, violated human civil rights.
911 and Other Terrorist Attacks
We have just morned the 10th year of the loss of our borders' peacefulness due to the assault from terrorists who bully US and many other countries with their unique and violent forms of killing individuals randomly.
Investors and Bankers: Societal Bullies or "White Collar Bullies"
Investment professionals and investment institutes are among the biggest influencers in society. When they opt to scam, deceive or manipulate investors out of moneys, they qualify for the title of "white collar bullies" or my term "Societal Bullies." These individuals might be considered more accepted within society as they are often viewed as savvy, shrewd or merely tricky.
At times, children and teens observe these "shrewd" individuals and wonder how to follow suit in order to attain the enviable life style and money. These bullies are glamorized by Hollywood as well. Thus they are visibly among the most accepted bullies in our sociological infrastructure in terms of the number of individuals they can scam at one time and the extent of the damage they can cause. These groups and individuals warrant the term Societal Bullies.
Mafia, cartel or other black market bullies also integrate into society infrastructure and create a level of acceptance or tolerance that helps support the progressive arena of influence their bullying tactics might have. These also are popularized by the Hollywood dramas we all enjoy.
Here are a few examples: SCAMS OF INVESTORS The following is taken from Investopedia.
The worst thing about these scams is that you never know until it's too late. Those convicted of fraud might serve several years in prison, which in turn costs investors/taxpayers even more money. These scammers can pick a lifetime's worth of garbage and not even come close to repaying those who lost their fortunes. The SEC works hard to prevent such scams from happening, but with thousands of public companies in North America, it is nearly impossible to ensure that disaster never strikes again.
As you consider these bullying forms of intimidation and exploitation consider too the perspectives of our most recent social revolts in the 99%ers against Wall Street illegal or manipulative actions. Are these 99%ers revolting against a once accepted way of overpowering the majority? Is this a form of bullying. Write your opinions on the blogs.
Disinhibition associated to alchohol and other mood altering drugs clearly is associated to abusive verbal intimidations and physical dominating gestures and of course abuse of all sorts. Most couples will engage in their acts of abusiveness when mood altering substance are present.
Adjunctive to this is the interface of drug dealing, cartel representatives and children and teens who are lured and then intimidated into remaining as drug sellers. October 14, 2011, one example of such was revealed in Texas as associated to Mexican cartels (Story here).
Children and adults that can be diagnosed with ADHD, Impulse Control Disorders, Oppositional Disorder, Conduct Disorder, Intermittant Aggressive Disorder, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and a person in the Manic moments of Bi-Polar or Mood Disorders. Children with Depression that is manifested in terms of low-self-esteem associated to poor school performance, delayed adolescence, withdrawal or isolated are more vulnerable to being bullied but can often resort to cyberbullying as there is little risk of physical altercations.
Paternally dominated families in subgroups where masculinity is defined by aggression, dominance and the ability to fight, are obviously fertile grounds for grooming bullies who attack others in their community.
Parents who rely on repeatedly harsh, intimidating, or condescending criticism to gain "respect" or create "cooperation" will brew anger and antagonism that a child will more likely express while away from the family to those perceived as weaker.
Parents who depend on physical punishment, yelling and authoritarian/oligarchial dominance will also cause resentment, hostility, emotional pressure that can become the stimulus for a child bullying others who are viewed as more defenseless.
Children exposed to abuse by a parent or observing parents being verbally aggressive and physically aggressive will be more inclined to imitate those attitudes and actions in other arenas,
Children exposed to parental prejudicial or intolerant points-of-view toward other groups of individuals who are judged as immoral, inferior or "bad" or worthy of being hurt, will carry those attitudes forward often without thinking about other points-of-view outside their families' prejudices. For instance, we see a higher inclination of abuse associated to hate crimes against African Americans, Gays, Jews in certain communities.
Bullies within families are often the "IP" (Identified Patient) which means that the "bully" in the family is actually expressing the anger, outrage, or complications that are engulfing the family.
One child within a family with a more aggressive or dominate bent can easily become a frightening force toward the other children in the family. Parents who do not supervise the interactions between siblings leave themselves open to intra-sibling abuses taking place. Here are some examples: Oldest brother to younger siblings. Child with one of the disorders mentioned earlier left alone with other children who are smaller or younger.
Families also contribute to the bullying when their children clearly states that such is taking place at school and then the parents do nothing to intervene or intervene in a fashion that is ineffectual.
Parents will best serve their child by demonstrating proactive and savvy interventions so that their child will learn self-representation and sometimes plainly self-defense responese. Parents do not
Children, Teens, Young Adults who suffer from low self-esteem or gain pleasure at being sadistic, frightening, condescending or dominate can utilize any of the internet platforms to bully others. Parents be aware of children who are angry often but isolate themselves to the computer. However, Cyber-bullies cross all social-economic and diagnostic categories.
Arenas for Cyber-bullying are as diverse as the internet.
Facebook, MySpace and numerous such sites become seriously misused by those who wish to demean, intimidate, slander or insult. Consider how easily this can be done by this little "What Would You DO?"
Gaming Rooms where violence or dominance or "winning at all costs" is characteristic and recognize that your child playing in even the most innocent arenas on-line can expose them to those who wish to denigrate your child's spirit. Parents consider these tools for your children's internet playing safety.
With younger children, this website will help you guide your children through identifying when they are being disrespected on-line. KIT FOR KIDS AGAINST CYBER-BULLYING
These ideas from the HP site provides you with the best arsenal for supporting your child's gaming fun and avoiding the pitfalls of those other bullies who are playing too and harming your child. The following worthy information is from and should be read with your child so they are in the know. http://h30187.www3.hp.com/articles/viewArticle/p/courseId/39819/&mcid=sec
No matter whether you're an avid gamer or a brand new devotee, your online safety is important. Games are increasingly interactive, providing many rich opportunities for connecting with others in the game world. The massive pop culture success of MMORPGs (massively multiplayer online role playing games) like World of Warcraft has made this kind of interaction with fellow gamers an expected feature.
While participating in online gaming experiences is undeniably fun, it can unfortunately leave you or your family open to security risks. Here are just a few of the possible threats:Exposure to interactions that are much more mature than the ESRB (Entertainment Software Rating Board) rating of the gamePredatory activity against gamers perceived as young and/or femaleAccidental divulgence of identifying informationSpread of malware like viruses and spywareOnline bullying that can follow you into the real world
Luckily, all these potential issues can be mitigated with a little knowledge and caution. Don't let negativity stand in the way of getting your game on! Read on for ways to avoid these dangers.
Controlling online gaming content
You might buy your 13 year old a game rated "T" for Teen and think nothing of it, only to find out that when she logs on to play the game with others on the Internet that the interactions are far beyond what the rating might suggest. Fellow gamers might be using profanity, making sexual comments or asking your child to reveal her personal information.
The first step is to get actively involved. Play the game with your child the first few times, to gauge the online atmosphere. If you think it's too rough, then there are several things you can do to let her enjoy her game without dealing with the other gamers.
Learn how to report players, and then do it
Most multiplayer games have some kind of reporting function that allows you to report gamers who are disrupting others' gaming experiences to game support personnel (often referred to as "game masters" or "GMs"). This functionality varies from game to game on the PC platform, but a quick search engine session (or reading the game's documentation) should turn up the steps you need to take. Generally, it's a quick and simple process.
Gaming consoles like Microsoft® Xbox 360 that have online components (Xbox Live in the 360's case) also have ways to report troublesome fellow gamers. Here's how to take action against problem gamers on Xbox Live:Activate the Pause menu by pressing the Guide button (large X button) in the center of the controller.Choose Players List or Recent Players and then press the A button.Find the player you want to report, highlight the name and then press the A button again.Follow the on-screen instructions for reporting the offending player. Try to be as accurate as possible.
Xbox Live takes action based on how often other gamers complain. The good news is that most gamers don't tolerate problem players and they are probably reporting the offender as well.
Sony PlayStation® 3 does not have an in-game reporting feature, but you can report a player by using an online complaint form. For a Nintendo Wii®, write down the gamer's username and then call Nintendo customer support at the number provided in your documentation.
Disable chat functions
Many online games enable players to communicate both through keyboard input and through voice chat. If necessary, you can disable the voice chat functions of your games without interfering with your ability to play them. As a legitimate user of the game, though, you may want to resort to this option only if attempts to ban or modify the behavior of disruptive players fails—your gaming experience shouldn't suffer because of their bad behavior.
Xbox Live has the ability to assign parental controls to online voice and text communications:Press the Guide button and navigate to System Settings.Choose Family Settings > Xbox Live Controls.Enter the email account tied to your Xbox Live account.Choose Privacy and Friends > Voice and Text.Choose one of the following options: Allowed, Friends Only, or Blocked.
You can also tie your gamertag to the Family Zone, to make it more likely that all the other gamers are going to be minding their manners. If you go to Gamer Zone on the Edit Gamer Profile menu, you can see which Zone you're currently assigned to. Your options are Recreation, Pro, Family and Underground. Select Family and you're good to go.
If you’re a PC Gamer, each game may have a different process to disable or mute chat. Your documentation or a search engine query should provide the instructions quickly.
Gaming online is generally a relatively safe activity. However, it's important to remember that even a relatively safe environment can become dangerous depending upon how it is used. Predatory behaviors can include stalking (both online and in real life), attempts to make offline contact, attempting to solicit personal or financial information or cyber-bullying. Most often predatory behavior begins if a gamer is perceived as young and/or female. It's relatively easy to avoid giving away too much information provided you and your kids understand a few basic rules:Don't use descriptors in your chat handle (for example, a handle like CuteGamerGrrl98 would scream "I am a 12 year old girl!")Don't divulge any personal information, up to and including: real name, age, gender, home town, school names, activities, favorite places and parents' names. All of these could be used to locate you in the physical world.Stop chatting immediately and report anyone who makes you uncomfortable or scared.
Unfortunately, when voice chat comes into play these cautions become moot. You cannot hide your age or gender effectively in a voice chat. If you're experiencing problems in voice chat, then your options are more limited:Voice mask: Voice masking covers up your voice with another one, and is available on a case by case basis from many games. Check the options of your game and look for volume or voice selections. If there's a voice mask option, that's where you'll find it.Report, report and report: If you or your child actually feels unsafe, don't just report it to the in-game authorities—report it to the real life authorities too.Stop using chat altogether: This is a last resort because, as mentioned earlier, if you paid for a game you should be able to get your money's worth and use all the functions. However, it is an option should you feel the need to make use of it.
A vigilant community of gamers (and that includes you!) is the best weapon against abusive behavior.
If your child is interested in keeping herself and others safe while enjoying all the fun of online gaming, check out the Teenangelsprogram. Your child can be trained by federal authorities to handle predatory online behavior both on her own behalf and while looking out for peers.
When you trust too much
The popular virtual world Second Life has similar problems. Second Life allows you to rent virtual land to build virtual buildings (for your virtual self!), and as in real life, real estate scams have developed in the game world. Don't even try to rent land or build until you're very well-versed in the game and confident that you know all the rules and restrictions. A Second Life scam can cost you lots of real world dollars, because your bank account (linked to your Second Life account to purchase in-game accessories) can be debited through micro-transactions. Unscrupulous Second Life scammers can sell you virtual land that isn't theirs to sell, leaving you stuck with property you paid real world money for but cannot use.
Phishing is another popular trust-based scam. If you ever receive an email from a game you're involved with telling you to go to a website and sign in to verify any of your personal information—don't. These emails may look incredibly realistic, and the addresses they give you may seem legitimate, but you should check with the game company because such emails are often attempts by third parties to obtain personal information from you by posing as a company you're likely to trust.
Again, when dealing with your online friends, maintain a healthy sense of skepticism. A real friend will not demand personal information from you beyond what you're comfortable mentioning, and he or she is not likely to put you in a position where you could lose standing or membership in the game.
The same privacy measures we've described throughout this quick lesson apply as well. The best practice is not to give out personal information to someone you do not know in real life, and even then only as-needed and sparingly.
Webpages and blogs created to attack other's reputations or expose (accurately or slanderously or inaccurately) are common. Such may look like innocent gossip or mere First Amendment right to self-expression, but libel (written defamation) and slander (oral public defamation) can be form of internet bullying and threat.
CHAT ROOMS and TEXTING
IMs, AIM, CHAT and all the other interactive tools including phone texting can create great opportunities for a bully to harm your child's sense of well-being. Here are some statistics to consider gathered in the ever growing arena of Wikipedia contributors on the subject. Look here, for example for some significant statistics. Your child is more likely to be bullied while instant messaging than other forms of cyber-bullying. This is one arena you have control of in that you can eliminate the phone number or the right to receive instant messages and your child can block that individual in many ways. But will you or your child be proactive or take the bullying. Oddly, many children and adults become magnetically pulled into the dialogue with a bully as the interaction is often progressively antagonistic and the urge toward self-defense is significant. Take a look at these statistics:
In 2006 a survey by I-SAFE.ORG:
42% of children admit being bullied online.
25% of those 42% had that type of bullying occur more than once.
35% of children have been threatened online, with 20% saying it has happened more than once.
21% state they have received threatening e-mails.
58% of children admit to receiving "trolling," "hurtful," "ridiculing," "put-down" messages from someone and 40% of children say it has happened more than once.
58% of the children said they never discussed any of these bullying moments with parents.
Town Meetings? Make Communities, Schools, Law Enforcement ANSWERABLE to Zero Tolerance to Bullying of all degrees.
As you will witness below in the videos, Bullying is systemic in our society and an epidemic and is a function of our unevolved human conflict-oriented patterns. Nonetheless, we can not give up trying to harness aggressions that harm others. In fact, if we do give up, we will likely allow bullying to become even more solidly integrated into the fabric of every aspect of our society.
Most certainly, individuals and organizations which can mobilize the necessary force, authority, consensus and control over the bully need to rally to the aid of those who are being victimized. Most often the "tipping point" in communities for who much bullying is taking place or not is how much tolerance, avoidance or even acceptance of the bullying that community expresses. In a sense, if the bullying type knows they will suffer consequences for bullying, they are discouraged from their acts of aggression. So schools, teachers, parents, law enforcement or present adults need to speak-up against bullying in effective words and ACTIONS.
KNOW WHERE NOT TO BE SEEN
Keep your distance from places and people who are questionable. Once you are on their radar, and you are vulnerable (as opposed to powerful yourself), you will become a focus of their aggression more likely so. So keep away; keep a low profile; walk in clusters; focus on the activities, parties, friends and locations that are full of life and positive endeavors and stay away from those arenas where difficulties are likely.
Yes, unfortunately bullying is part of everyone's life. Everyone needs to consider how to manage bullies in their lives. Relationships with bullies need to be maneuvered with attentive care and savvy. Whether leaving, avoidance, confrontational retort, never being alone, official law enforcement, shame, or intricate power-play, each of us will need to consider the best way to get beyond the harassment or irritation of a bully at some time in our lives.